are the words uttered from moms lips as she expresses her sentiment towards her/our situation. Her demeanor is calm, I could feel her energy as she sat down on my bed. She took a moment to gather herself. I could tell she was trying her hardest to hold back bursting into a sob fest. She told me she had a calm conversation with dad today and he expressed that he wanted to be talked to like a human and if we could talk slow so he could understand. I'm sure mom would love to talk to him in a calm manner...but 15 years of care giving to someone who maybe 85% of the time doesn't appreciate it, is a complicated task. As mom talks slowly it seems as if she has lost her voice, or maybe she was just tired from the previous nights incidents...either way her demeanor is solemn. She explains she never imagined it to be this way...when they got married they had so many hopes and dreams together, she said...this wasn't one of them. She said she never visualized this happening in the beginning of their marriage. Dez peers in the room, towel wrapped around him from just getting out of the shower. She asks us to respect dads wish to be talked to in a normal manner and remarks that last night could have been avoided if Dez could control his temper and ask her to help him. We all agree.
Mom apologizes for our situation and dads actions. I tell her that she doesn't need to apologize for him...apologizing for him as I understand it is her taking on more of his burden. I told her I get what she was trying to do, but we each need to take responsibility for our own actions, whether he is sick or not. And bottom line she didn't make him do what he did/does. I compared it to my brother shooting someone and me apologizing for what he did (just as a hypothetical example)..what kind of sense does that make; me apologizing for something he did? She said well we are married. Maybe legally, but in reality... (I won't go there)
I did ask dad if he was ready to shower and come in last night before I went to bed. He told me to leave him alone. I did.
This morning I heard him on the phone with my aunt...he cried loud tears. I also heard the shower water hitting the tiles...did he really shower? When I finally emerged from my room ready to head to an appointment, he was in the living room eating cereal with cut up bananas all his dirty clothes back n the living room floor. I asked him how he got in the house...he said mom let him in...he lied. I asked him when his family was coming to pick him up..he tried his best to cover up the fact that no one was coming. I asked him how come he was still here, when last night he was saying I'm lucky it wasn't day time..I said it's day time now, so why aren't you leaving...he just tries to mumble something about taking a shower and attempts to kill me with kindness. Still frustrated I tell him to leave...he puts his bowl down, puts his shoes on and as I get in my car, begins to walk down the street...he's not going anywhere.
My aunt calls me concerned...I missed her call. After my appointment I call her back, she says she already talked to mom. They talked about putting him in a home. She said he needs to be somewhere where people have the patience for him and that mentally it sounds like hes getting worse and needs help. Shes a retired nurse. We hang up.
For now he's sleep on the living room floor...he asks for his comfort towel from mom. His clothes wet yet again...he doesn't want to change them, even as mom speaks to him in a very mild mannered tone.
Today dad looks smaller and a bit more frail then yesterday.
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