Today marks a week since my fat baby has been gone...I haven't been able to do anything...I'm so resigned and cynical about life right now. Who would have known I'd be so sad about it. It's so funny, it's like people ask you "how are you?" It's such a natural way to enter into conversation, but no one really cares about the answer it seems, they just get an answer and move so quickly on to the next thing, I'm even guilty of it myself. What do you say to someone who says I'm sad, or do people even really care? I had someone who I've recently met in the last month call me up and ask how I was doing, this is last Friday, I told her "I've seen better days" and she immediately moves on to the next subject. I mean why even ask?! I mean I don't want to dwell or get into this whole sob story of it all, but I was terribly upset that day.
Then I think about what else I can do, and I post fliers and look and go to the pound and ask people on the street if they've seen Xabi. I post on Craigslist and Petharbor and on Facebook ...nothing. I got a call from a lady who saw my flier and she told me not to give up hope and suggested the Facebook page to me. I got a call from someone two days ago who said they saw someone that looked like Xabi on the streets on Friday. One woman even told me her friends lost dog was found 52 days later...I'm on day 7. Still nothing.
You know the phrase they say "you know who your true friends are" One of my true friends is Jenn! She lives in Chicago called me immediately when she saw my post and started calling fire stations and such for me all the way out there, she alerted all her friends out in LA and checks in with me to see how things are. I appreciate and love her! Another friend Audrey took me to lunch all the way from San Diego...granted she was already supposed to be up here...but nonetheless she still took the time to visit with me. There are others who shared my post and called me and I appreciate that.
I mean my entire routine is thrown off...I haven't wrote in my gratitude journal, I haven't been doing my daily affirmations, haven't been to the office...I'm simply down trodden. I don't think people understand how I am really feeling...I'm sure others have felt this way..I'm sure it will soon fade away with time, hopefully it will be because I found Xabi. My dad is upset and was crying about losing Xabi. I've done some work and got to the office, life does go on, but all I want to do is crawl into a ball and play candy crush and zone out or something. I just wish I knew something, is he alive, is he in a warm home, has he eaten?? Praying my fat baby is okay.
I pass by his crate and he's not there...I fall asleep and I don't hear him snoring...I don't have to leave time to walk him and give him food before I leave...his bowl is just sitting there empty, his bag of food limp. I pass by his toys and they're lifeless...I look in the backyard and he's not back there running around or chewing his rawhide...theres less shed hair on my socks...theres no one following me from room to room all day...sigh
I wonder how I brought this about into my life...what does it all mean? What thoughts was I thinking to create this? Why would I want to create this turmoil? What's the lesson in all of this? Is there a bright side? Ugh
My mom says shes going to give me money to get a new dog...but what about my fat baby...what about him?! I haven't necessarily lost hope...but it's hard when you just have no news. Somehow I wasn't as worried about my dad...I knew he would show up, I just knew it deep down in my soul. But Xabs was another story...I would visualize coming home from looking for them and find Xabi sitting at the front door after finding his own way home, alas it was my dad who found his way home and was sitting on the front porch when I got home. It's a great thing my dad made it after being gone 30 hours...seems like he didn't even have a sense that he was even lost. But it's a sad thing about Xabi.
I don't even know what to do with my life right now...I just need my fat baby back!!!!
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